Everybody's had them, those moments were you wish that you could leave or maybe just disappear. If you have ever been out with another couple and they start fighting about something as if they are the only two people around, you know what I am talking about. Some people seem to be immune to feeling awkward, as if they were an animal taking a dump in the middle of a crowded room, there is just as good as any, is the way they see it. Others avoid conflict and attention at all cost. They will do almost anything to avoid getting stuck in an awkward situation. Have you ever had a situation come up were you are presented with the option to either, A. confront it and have a brief awkward moment and then be done with it or B. try to avoid confrontaion altogether and hope it works? Well, I had one of those moments a few months ago, that I thought I would share with you. Amy and I had put our house up on the market for sale a few weeks prior to this particular event. We lived in one of those little garden home communities where all the houses look the same and they are really close together. I am ashamed to admit that I had lived there for about four years and didn't really know my neighbors. A couple had moved in across the street earlier that year. They were an interesting couple to say the least. He liked to sit on the front porch smoking a black n' mild and drinking, while listening to his car stereo like it was a ipod with license plates. She liked to spend her time yelling at him loud enough that the rest of the neighborhood can hear her and hence learn his name. One day as I was coming home from work I noticed that there was a toilet sitting out by their mailbox, I assumed that this was their old one and not one they had seen on Home shopping network and just had to have. I thought to myself " Well that's nice" as I went inside. I watched as a few days went by and the toilet remained even after trash day had come and gone. Now, as excited as I was to have such a nice lawn ornament across the street, while my house is on the market, I decided that I might need to inform my real estate agent. I spoke to him the next morning and let him know about the toilet. He began to explain to me (very professionally by the way) how having a toilet sitting in front of my neighbor's house could give the wrong impression to potential buyers and it would be in our best intrest if it were removed. I was now presented with the two options I mentioned earlier. I could speak to my neighbor and ask if he wouldn't mind moving the aforementioned toilet. This would be a great oppurtunity to meet him after living there for almost a year and welcome them to the neighborhood. I could even offer to help him dispose of the toilet. Or, I could also choose option B and instead, wait until it was dark, steal the toilet and get a friend of mine to help dispose of it into a dumpster near work. Now I decided to seek counsel from my family on how best to handle the situation and they gave some good advice and after thinking it through I decided to opt for option B anyway. Now I did have a plan of sorts, I would borrow my stepdad's truck and pull it around the street behind my house and later when it was very dark, I would simply grab the toilet and take it around the back. That should be easy right? I decided I would go home first and then wait until close to midnight. When I go home though, I am pulling into the drive way and I notice that my neighbor is home but inside and no lights are on outside. I figured that this was as good oppurtunity as any. I get out of the car and walk across the street. I lift up the toilet and begin to go across the street to my house. My plan was to put it behind the house now and later get the truck. Now, I am not exactly in the best shape of my life nor have I ever been in that great of shape. I begin to haul the toilet to the back and I am having to hobble around like those guys on " The World's Strongest Man" contests when they are lugging a boulder. I get the toilet to the back and I am red faced and starting to sweat desperately trying not to pass out. I start going back around the house to go back in and I see that my neighbor's lights are on and he is standing in his doorway smoking and talking on the phone. Now I would like to think that he wouldn't notice that his toilet, which was there just a minute ago is now gone, however I will give him the benefit of the doubt considering there is a trail left from where it was. You see, I forgot to mention that the toilet still had water in it. As I was wobbling along with this used, broken toilet, it was sloshing around and unbeknowst to me leaving a trail of water going from his mailbox straight to my house. So, the chances that a gang of toilet thieves are the ones to blame for the dissapearance, are slim to none. I decided that I would go through the side entrance of my house as not to be seen. I am worried now, because I don't know my neighbor, or how he might react to some one stealing his toilet. I am looking out the window in our bathroom waiting, anticipating at any moment there will be a knock at my door. Well, the knock didn't come and I decide to do what I should have done in the first place and since the jig was up anyway, I prepared to walk across and talk to him. I start up his driveway and his door is wide open and he is somewhere inside. I stand there and start saying hello. He comes around the corner and comes out. I can smell that he has been drinking, so I introduce myself and then I say " Hey, you know that toilet that was in your front yard? Did you still want that? " I think that it was akward for him too because he started talking a lot and really fast saying that they told him to leave it out there and the city would come and pick it up. I told him that I would be more than happy to dispose of it for him. I am trying to break away and then my wife pulls up across the street and instead of going inside comes over. The next twenty minutes are full of drunken talking and then he starts yelling at his girlfriend to come out and say hello, she of course is in the shower but that doesn't matter to him and she throws a robe on and comes out and talks to us some more. We finally broke away and then I called my friend and we disposed of the toilet. So this is an awkward moment that I recently experienced. I would like to think that there is a moral to this story but I can't. So if you have had moments like these or worse let's talk some time.
